Various colors and shapes
Differing obstacles
Differences
Troubles of the world
Obstacles
The random pattern of today
Freeing ourselves from all surrounding us
Erasing all reality
We are free
Free to do as we please
Free to act how we want to act
Free to express ourselves
In a way all our own.
I enjoyed the meaning here, and also think it conects well to the art to which you responded. I would say though that the word choice makes some of the lines a little awkward, and one way to fix that is to establish a rhythm to the lines, a cadence, so that as the words unfurl, each bringing its own meaning to the context, the reader doesn't struggle to put the text together. If you want, I could show you some ways to do this.
ReplyDeleteThis was a really cool poem with a very nice meaning. I liked how you put in really good vocab words and made it different than everyone else's. You might want to shorten some of the lines, though, because they kind of throw your rhythm off. Otherwise, great job!
ReplyDelete