Fresh water trickling over the smooth wet surface
Drops of crystal slowly making their way towards the barren earth,
From which we came
And where we will return.
A tiny metronome,
Timing my thoughts - my actions,
Timing where we step,
And where we fall.
Picking up this moist, glassy solid,
I place it in my pocket, and continue through the expansive forest.
Nice job Taylor.You had a good use of vocab and i could really get a good image of what you were trying to describe in this poem. Maybe next time you could try to make it a little longer, but overall this really is a great poem
ReplyDeleteHey Taylor, you had really good vocabulary in this poem and I like how you describe it so that I can see a clear picture in my head. Maybe you could try to split up the lines more, some are kind of long.
ReplyDeleteI love this poem! I really like the way you end the it with a bit of a clif-hanger--it sounds cool. Maybe next time you could try to make the poem longer, countinuing the thought. Nice meez!
ReplyDeleteI never thought anyone could find so much meaning in a drop of water. In this poem you put a cool twist on life, and your relating life to the earth reminded me of The Good Earth. This poem makes everything small feel big, and everything big seem huge. Great poem.
ReplyDeleteNice. I really like how you introduce the thought of a metronome, it really gives the poem a new (and nice) feeling. I also agree with Liam - the poem does make everything small feel big. Keep up the awesome writing.
ReplyDeleteI really like this poem! I agree with Mona the metronome was a good thought! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHey,hey Tmae... haha, that rhymes... haha, but that was not the reason that I am writing this response... that would be silly if I wrote this response to tell you that "hey, hey, Tmae" rhymes. haha! Anyways, I really like this poem. I really like how it talks about timing and coming back again. Keep up the great writing!
ReplyDelete~Sammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm